Forgiveness
by hedgehoginatutu
Summary: Katniss summons up some forgiveness for Gale.


Summary: Katniss summons up some forgiveness for Gale.

Notes: This was written for Prompts in Panem but it is a revised version of the story that I posted on tumblr because I didn't get a chance to beta read it. It was written for day 5 – blue.

Word count: 2,095

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><p>Peeta and I made out first trip here together almost twenty years ago. It was before the district had been expanded, maybe even before they put the gate in the fence, I can't quite remember.<p>

Peeta had fallen in love with the lake on first sight, just like I knew he would. It was one of his favorite things to paint. A few years after the war, when the real reconstruction work had started in twelve, we spent the summer hiding out here. We slept in the abandoned house. I hunted during the days and Peeta spent his time filling an entire sketchbook with different views of the lake.

He had not had the chance to paint the lake in recent years because we always had our hands full with both children nowadays. Willow had mastered a form of swimming but was always itching to go a little deeper. Rye was happy to splash in the shallows. He much preferred gathering the shells, but could become easily freaked out when gusts of wind created small waves close to the shore so he liked one of us to be by his side as he toddled along the shoreline.

The kids loved the lake and getting far away from the district was one of mine and Peeta's favorite past times. For just a few hours we found ourselves able to forget about everything and everyone that constantly tried to interfere in our lives. Despite the expansion of District 12 there was still a reluctance to venture beyond the boundaries, although free movement was now a right of every citizen of Panem. As far as I could tell it seemed that nobody else had found the lake yet. Plenty of people visited the stream that ran behind the meadow. On hot summer's days the stream was crowded with the district's children, who finally had a place to cool down.

The cool blue waters of the lake were calming and the walk here and back through the forest that I knew so well was comforting. Sometimes out here I was even able to feel the way I had before my father died, before I had borne the responsibility of keeping my family alive.

Willow and I were deep in the lake when we saw a figure on the opposite bank of the lake from where we had left Peeta and Rye. A little uneasily I tried to steer Willow back towards our shore. The figure had retreated back into the trees by the time I tried to spot them again, but I could tell, even from this distance, that they were keeping an eye on us from the tree line.

My mind reeled and I suddenly felt entirely too vulnerable exposed in the middle of the lake with my six-year-old daughter, who wasn't capable to swimming herself back to shore.

Peeta was kneeling in the shallows with Rye helping him to sort through the shells he had collected. He was totally oblivious to me trying to catch his attention. The figure was still there, stalking the tree line. They weren't moving towards Peeta and Rye though. Perhaps it was just someone from the district that had wandered too far. Or maybe it was one of those people that we heard about every so often that had fled their district during the war and had still not found their way back to civilization, completely unaware of how the war had turned out.

"Mama, come on!" Willow's exasperated voice cut through my thoughts and I turned to her with a smile. "I want to climb on the rock!" She was battling forward towards one of the giant boulders in the lake. Her swimming technique left a lot to be desired but her determination to reach the rock made up the speed.

"Careful baby," I reminded her as I swam effortlessly alongside her, just to make sure she didn't run into difficulties.

Her little hands reached out in front of her in eagerness as she clutched at the rock and pulled herself up.

Willow was fearless and that scared me senseless.

She climbed onto the rock and stood up before she leapt off into my arms. As she giggled in delight about how much fun that had been I took a cursory glance to inspect her for any minor injuries before I let her climb up and jump into my arms again, and again, and again.

Finally she tired of her game and agreed that we could start making our way back to shore. As I swam with Willow on my back I noticed that Peeta and Rye were not alone. In fact, it looked like the tree-line-lurker from earlier had caught up with them. I kicked my legs a little faster through the sun warmed waters.

I finally pulled myself and Willow out of the lake and she took off running through the shallows and threw her sopping wet body around Peeta's middle.

I could hear Peeta laughing, but I could hear another laugh too. The stranger's laugh was familiar and as I approached I suddenly wished I had stayed in the middle of the lake, maybe even wished that I had drowned out there.

Peeta was smiling easily. Rye was pre-occupied with his tin can full of shells, and Willow was jumping around in her towel trying to warm herself up.

"Hey Catnip," Gale offered me a measured smile that I did not return.

I scowled.

"Gale's here for a few days. He was just taking a walk when he came across us and thought he would say hi." Although there is nothing wrong with what Peeta just said or how he said it I still feel betrayed by his words. How dare he stand there and defend that man.

"I'm helping with the redistribution of funding for security forces out here. Seems like the money has been falling into a bit of a black hole."

I can't help but stare at him. Is he really talking to me about cash flow problems with District 12's security forces? The Gale I knew would have had a hundred crude suggestions to make about where the money was disappearing too – and few of them might have hit the matter on the head.

"Uh- uh- I thought you were never having kids, Catnip," he smiled gently with a glimmer of teasing in his eyes. "Change your mind?"

"Yes."

"Mama, who is this?" Willow appears at my side.

"I'm Gale," he bends down to my daughter's height and holds out his hand for her to shake it. She obliges and giggles up at me. "You're very pretty, just like your mother when she was your age."

"But I have my Daddy's eyes," Willow beams with pride whenever someone tells her she looks like me or Peeta. "Were you friends with my Mommy when she was my age?"

"Maybe a little older," Gale shrugs. "But she always wore her hair like that too," Gale smiles to himself as he reaches out to touch Willow's braid.

"Did you live in the district before the war?"

I, along with Peeta and Gale, stiffen. Willow is in the second grade now and they have already started to learn about the war and the reconstruction program. As one of the few children with two parents actually from 12, she has shown great interest in learning as much as she can about the district before the war.

"I did," Gale says it quietly.

"Did you know my grandparents? And Auntie Prim?"

Hearing Willow say Prim's name in front of Gale feels like being stabbed with an icicle. At least Gale has the decency to look pained. A part of me still wants him to hurt for what happened, but I don't get the satisfaction I imagined I would from his obvious inner turmoil.

"I- I did," Gale nods. "Her eyes were just like yours too. She was the sweetest, most caring, strongest person I ever had the honor of knowing."

There are tears in his eyes and I suddenly feel pity overcoming the twenty years of rage that I had been holding down.

Abruptly Gale stood up from Willow's height. He turns to me and approaches. "I am so sorry Catnip." He sniffs back cries in his throat. "I really am so sorry. I- I never meant-"

"Stop." I say and hold up a hand to stop him. We stand in silence and I am aware that Peeta is making a lot of noise about a shell he has spotted and both children are distracted enough by his commotion. "You might not have meant to hurt her, but you fully intended to kill innocent people. If it hadn't been Prim it would have been someone else. I forgave you a long time ago for what happened to Prim. I had to for my own peace of mind or I would have gone insane by now. But I will never agree with your decision to use those weapons. I told you at the time and my mind has not been changed."

Gale's grey eyes so much like my own and so different from Prim and Peeta's are filled with pain. I know that even twenty years on my rejection of our friendship still stings. I may have forgiven him, but I will never be the person that lets him feel less guilty.

"Just know Katniss, I was nineteen and stupid. I was angry, furious at what had been done to us, to you, to Prim, for all those years. I really thought I was helping. I know now that I was just another piece in Coin's game, but I really believed it was the only solution."

"What do you want from me Gale?" I say it because I want him to go because I can feel tears in my eyes and I don't want to cry in front of him.

"I- I just want you to know that there isn't a day that I don't think about Prim, or dream about her. I loved her too and there's nothing or nobody that could make me have hurt her intentionally and if I could have taken her place I would have. She deserved so much better." Gale looks down between us. "I guess I should be heading back. Hazelle is expecting me for supper."

I nod and watch as he heads off, waving a goodbye to Peeta and the kids.

"Mama, Mama, look!" I blink the tears away furiously as I bend down to see what Rye is running towards me with.

The tears I had been blinking back come at me again in full force when I see the perfectly round fresh water pearl that he is holding out to me in one hand while he clasps the shell in the other.

"It's so beautiful baby," I murmur and stroke his soft blond curls. His grey eyes are shining with pride at his – or rather his father's – find.

Peeta's arms are around me before I even realize that I feel a little faint. "Everything OK?" Peeta's lips brush my ear with his whisper.

"It will be."

That night as I lie in bed with Peeta's broad chest pressed against my back I softly speak into the silence, "Prim would have forgiven him, you know."

"Hmm?"

"If that weapon had killed me instead of Prim," I explain. "Prim would have found it in herself to forgive him."

"You have forgiven him too Katniss, you said so yourself."

"When I see him I still have all these thoughts about Prim. All of the things I wish she could have seen."

"She would have loved Willow and Rye so much," Peeta agrees his fingers gently brushing through my hair. "Especially Rye. He reminds me of her sometimes. He's so good natured."

"That's because he's your son," I roll my eyes and playfully pinch Peeta's arm. "You're good too. You know how to forgive."

"You managed it too Katniss or you never would have found to peace to be able to talk about Prim again. Don't you remember those first few years? I thought you were going to shoot me straight in the eye one day when I said her name. You even smile sometimes when you talk about her. You forgave Gale a long time ago. Now we just need to keep her memory alive and remember how remarkable she was." Peeta's words brush my ear as he kisses me once more before we both fall silent and slowly drift off to sleep.

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><p>Notes: Thank you for reading. Just in case anyone is looking for some editing work I am still looking for a beta. I would be happy to do a beta exchange. you might have spotted loads of mistakes here but I promise I usually have a good eye when reading other people's work. I hope you enjoyed this little piece.<p> 


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